So, here it goes. I know right now a lot of people are wondering what the heck I just did and it has caused a lot of controversy but here is the thing.... some people "think" they know what I am thinking and doing but really.... they don't. Regardless, I would think people would have better things to do than talk about my personal life and share their opinions on how I am wrong amongst each other. Here is the facts... I am truly happy and I made this choice and decision after MUCH prayer... and I KNOW without a doubt this is the right choice and who I was to marry.
In September 2005 I entered the MTC as I began my 18 month service as a missionary for the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. I knew the Lord called me to the Texas Houston Mission for a reason and that I was to labor amongst His children in this area. I began my mission in West Houston in the Memorial Ward which was part of the Katy Stake. I served there for 4 1/2 months and after I left the area I knew I was going to be back in the Katy Stake and that there would be someone I would meet. I thought it was just someone I needed to teach... not someone I would one day marry.
As I went through my mission I still always felt that I would go back to Katy and as I was in my second to last area... I thought I would finish there and had to idea why I felt I was to go to Katy. But... after only 6 weeks (1 transfer) I was transferred over to Katy where I finished my mission with Sister Thacker. In this area I met the Alzate family. I will never forget the first day I met my husband. His brother Fernando kept joking around about how he had this brother (wink wink) as if he wasn't even standing there. I kept looking at Sister Thacker as if "this really isn't happening!" Off and on other little comments would be made over the next three months but I would "try" to push them aside. Besides, I was going to be a good missionary and finish off strong. I was always attracted to him, but I never thought anything more of it.
In fact, I didn't even talk to him until I came back to visit 4 1/2 months later. We went out and I realized that I really had strong feelings for him and that I was interested. We talked a lot and I found out that he had always liked me. I thought that was insane. After a few months of talking on the phone I decided to stop talking to him. It was one of the hardest things I have done. It really did break my heart to do so but I thought that I was doing what was right because we have different faiths and I felt that was going to be a huge problem and I had so much pressure from around me to stop talking to him. Still.... my feelings I had for him never stopped. I felt a void. I was comparing everyone to him and he never left my mind. I know this is probably a little too much to share, but I remember kissing someone that I was dating and thinking that I was betraying Giovanny. That he was the one I was supposed to be kissing. It was quite a strange feeling/reaction. During the time I was dating that guy I called Giovanny, as I did every now and then to try and keep contact with him. And I even lied to him!!! Eek! He asked as he always did if I was dating anyone and I sort of denied it and said no. All I could think of was that he was who I wanted to be with, nobody else. But it was really hard for me because I really didn't think he felt that way (come to find out it was the same feeling on his end). I remember texting and trying to call him and never getting responses back during a two year period. I really didn't have that much hope. But still I always tried to find reasons to talk to him and thanks to my little sister going home this last Christmas, I once again had a new reason to. So, on December 15th while I was at work I sent him a quick text asking him what his schedule was like the next day since Catherine needed a ride to the airport. (Thank goodness she is stationed near Houston!) He was more than happy to help out and it also gave me an excuse to talk to him over the phone. Of course it was the typical conversation and again the "are you seeing anyone" question came up. At that point I got out of my comfort zone and hinted that there was someone I was interested in but didn't know how he felt. We talked a little about it and I was just too scared to say that it was him. And basically I just told him how I felt about him, but he thought it was someone entirely different. After we got off the phone, I thought to myself that I should just tell him. That I just needed to get it over with and be brave. So I sent him a text and told him that it was him. Those next 20 minutes felt like 2 hours. I panicked! I thought oh great... he definitely doesn't feel the same! And I was just sitting there thinking "say something!!!!" Then came the response. "Ok! I only said that you are a sweet girl. And I like to talk to you." I wasn't sure how to take it at first. But after that we texted a little and then talked and talked that night. Sent some pictures. And then talked and texted some more. And that is what we have done since. You see. We have always talked off and on but have had such a strong connection. It is what I would look forward to each day. And those days that I was not able to talk to him I felt so empty. Because I could not interact with him in person it was all I had and all I looked forward to. Those days when there was no phone time I would kind of shut down. At Christmas he was having a really hard time and I didn't talk to him for a few days. It was amazing the effect it took on me. Heck with my diet... I ate half a pan of peanut butter cups I felt so depressed. I am always told not to focus my happiness on him but I just can't help it. He has been my world. I don't think I ever got my heart back when I left Houston. When we talked again after the whole Christmas episode it began to be hard for him. We were so opposite on this matter. This was the only thing I felt I had.... being able to talk to him. The only piece of him I could have. But for him he wanted to be able to see me so bad that the amount of talking I wanted to do made it more and more difficult for him. I will never forget January. That was when he stopped texting back and didn't answer or call me. I felt like my heart was ripped out. We had already been talking about a future with each other. I was so confused and lost. I tried all I could to move on. I tried to meet guys and put Giovanny completely out of my mind. Then 29 days later.... he called. I was in my bathroom putting my makeup on. My phone started ringing and I stared at it in disbelief. I yelled at my roommate and asked her what I was to do. I was SOOO mad at him. I answered. And then he was talking to me like nothing was wrong, and like everything was fine. I wanted to be so mean and I tried....(obviously it didn't work or else I wouldn't be writing this). We talked, I cried (no surprise...) and talked some more. I just couldn't believe what was happening. Slowly we started talking again and honestly I think that month was the best thing that could have happened because it made it more clear that what we have is real. The thing is, is that nobody truly understands what we have.... our conversations, feelings, etc. There is so much that nobody gets. Some people have a little taste of it all but the whole picture is a blur still. I always thought and felt he was everything I wanted and was looking for except for the whole religion thing, but still.... that has not been a problem for me anymore. Yes, I wish that was different because I know it would make a lot of things easier. But I know that he is who I am to be with and I can't argue that. I prayed about it and received an answer... how am I supposed to go against that? The best part of this whole thing is that it has been an emotional relationship. The physical relationship played no part and it has allowed us to know each other on a personal level. So, a few different dates..... At 11:59 pm Houston time on the 2nd of March I had the courage and told him I loved him. Me first???? Amazing. The next day we decided we were going to plan on being married September 4th. I was already planning to be moving around May 15th to Houston and it would be only four months of resisting temptation! LOL It did seem crazy because we had only been talking again for just a short time. And already people were thinking I was nuts. But when you know you know, right? So, we get "engaged" on the 3rd. He just happens to be in Las Vegas with his sister and her family and so I fly down on the 12th. So.... my trip to Vegas. That is another story! I was freaking out about it to begin with. My friend Drew from my work was my support! He was nervous for me! HAHA It took me forever to figure out what I was going to wear and everything. The flight was awful. Especially because I knew I was going to be picked up by three people I have never even met..... his sister, brother-in-law and nephew..... NERVE RACKING! So, I get off the plane and am on my way, wobbly knees and all. Did I mention I was totally nauseated the night before from nerves. So, I get off the plane and immediately call Drew to talk me through it. And then I am walking through and find I have to take a tram.... I have never done that. I don't even know where I am going and at the same time am so scared to call and find out. lol So I tell them I am by terminal one and proceed to walk out. Then I think I am at terminal two from something I read and so I tell him that is where I am. So here I am (after seeing quite a bit of things that I could have done without in the airport) standing out at pickup telling my friend that their is eye candy he would enjoy.... watching an SUV stop in the middle of the road with a bubbly blonde jumping out and nearly attacking her friend that has flown in... avoiding the looks of a scary guy and standing there trying to remember how to breathe amongst all the chaos of the airport. Oh, but guess what. They go to terminal two where I thought I was until I look and see I am at TERMINAL ONE! Oh goodness.... what a great start right? (By the way.... I really do hate that airport) So, finally we meet up. It was a little awkward I am not going to lie. It was like we had to force a hug because we didn't really know what to do...haha His sister was sooo sweet and gave me a hug right away, which really took pressure off! Then was the car ride where we just looked at each other strangely. And the nervous laughter.
So we got to the strip and then everything was fine. As soon as we held hands I felt SOOO much better. And the whole time I just kept staring at him. I was afraid that he was just going to disappear. I was enjoying every minute and just examining him over. My heart was SOOO happy. Life felt so good and for a moment stood still. :) We all walked for a while, ate, and just enjoyed Vegas. I had to get a picture (the above) because I just wanted to document everything about my trip and besides.... everyone on facebook needed to see how wonderful my life was. Sadly, some people act like they are 10 and decided to say some unacceptable things which caused a lot of people that I really care and respect to think different of me and question not only my morals but also "what I have become." I just need to remind myself that misery loves company right? Probably why I really don't associate with a lot of people these days.... I ignored all that the best I could and focused on the fact that I was with my love! I had been waiting for this moment for a while.... and it was here and would only last about 49 hours.
It was overall a very fun evening and I really enjoyed spending time with Giovanny and getting to know part of his family. We talked so much that night and I loved having him there by me. When I woke up the next morning and saw him I knew that life was good!
That first night we both decided that we wanted to get married then... and not wait. It just felt like the right choice. Funny thing, my family was expecting it and waiting to hear that I had. That morning he told his sister and I will never forget the humor of Anthony (my new nephew :) heehee). He was just sitting there talking to me and all of a sudden he asked how I was feeling. I told him I was ok. And then he said are you nervous? I don't think I realized he knew and as I looked up at him he goes on to tell me about "his first marriage"..... which may I add has never taken place because.... well.... he's like 18! lol But he is just soooo darn funny! He is such a real good kid. His parents should be so pleased with the job they have done raising him and be proud of him!
So yeah.... we go and get married. We went to the courthouse which was funny as well. As you walk up you have all these people approach you and hand you flyers to all of their chapels they represent. It was like paparazzi. You just feel swarmed. So as you get to the doors... you see how big the line is and think... well, I guess we'll be here for a few hours. It was just so surreal as we filled everything out. That was the time I called my mom... of course I had to tell her. I tell her everything! He was a little scared of me telling her. And I just laughed. So.... as we were standing in line everyone around us was talking about how nervous they were and how they couldn't believe what they were doing and on and on. Still as happy as can be exchanged a few kisses and just smiled at each other and held hands. I really was excited. I LOVE THIS MAN!
So we left.... went and had Colombian food. Made sure we had rings. And we were off to "A Special Memory." We decided while eating lunch that we would do it "Drive-Thru Style." It would be the last thing I would ever do and it not only was cheap but something we could all laugh about for years to come. (Yeah... you can laugh about it...)
It was funny. The five of us sitting in the car. The funniest though was the fact that poor Anthony had to sit in the back with us.
And really, I never expected that I would be getting married in a blouse and jeans. I am too much of a girl. Good thing for our ceremony in September I can wear a dress! My favorite response was from my sister Michelle who said to me: "Why didn't you wear something kind of cute?" My response: "I just went through a drive-thru." Her response: "Like the kind you order food in?" Mine: "Yep. Classy huh?" Hers: "I love it... seriously."
So its official. As the minister said... you are definitely not single anymore. I became a MRS!!!! That night involved family time.... Monopoly, Soup and Cheesecake. How romantic right??? :p You know... it was perfect. I wouldn't have changed it really. I got to spend time with some amazing people that I now can say I love.
Sunday was very hard on me. I knew we would be parting that night as he would be flying back to Houston and I, Utah. I cried off and on. Like I have said before.... I am in love with him and he is my world! That day we went shooting at a shooting range, walked around Boulder City, had lunch and then went back to the house. I couldn't believe it was almost time to say goodbye.
I LOVE THIS MAN!
So we get to the airport and I was one minute too late to check in so I am told I miss my flight. It was a nightmare! Luckily in the end Ben saved the day and I was able to take the next flight to SLC. Funny thing... he went to the wrong place and ended up missing his.... then his plane had to land in San Antonio because of weather and he didn't get home till the next day!!!So, do I think what I did was a mistake??? Not at all. We have something special and even my mom has said that she has always known I would marry him since she first heard all about him. Do I expect that you are all going to think I didn't make a mistake? Nope... but then that is your opinion. Just remember, you do not receive personal revelation for me. I really am happy. I love this man so much and we are excited to have a little family in the near future...hopefully. I am so glad that we are together. I love and care about him soooo much. He is everything to me!
And yes, right now definitely is hard. I hate not being with him. That is the worst. But as soon as I get a job down there and someone can take over my contract on my apartment we can be together. We are looking forward to that time. I never really knew how hard it was going to be to be apart. I sort of had an idea, but no! This is worse than I imagined!
I hope this gave you all a little more insight. I know a lot of people had questions and I figured this would be the best way to answer. :)
Love you all!
Rachel J Thrasher Alzate :)
